Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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