I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
