I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
this hospital has no fireball
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
