He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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