I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
