so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
