Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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