I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
