Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
