the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My life is pants optional.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
