every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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