I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize