i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
