Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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