If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
