And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
