I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
