take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
