and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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