ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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