I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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