After last night, I could never be a politician.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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