This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
