she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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