I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
