So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
