that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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