I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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