i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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