i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize