just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
