Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
