why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
