with your own penis?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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