Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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