yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
