Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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