Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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