And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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