they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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