We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
