I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
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Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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