just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
