I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize