Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
