Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
