Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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