I wanna bring you to show and tell
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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