we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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