i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
