Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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