This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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