how can u be prego again
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
