Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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