I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize