Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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