i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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