allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
