I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
