just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
