i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
