Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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